


I Would Have Chosen Eternity In Darkness Over This Silence

by Werefox



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mentioned Edelgard von Hresvelg, Mentioned Jeralt Reus Eisner, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werefox/pseuds/Werefox
Summary: For a girl growing up on the road, never staying in one place long enough to make a friend, having Sothis there all the time, always listening to her thoughts, was what had kept her sane throughout the busy life of the monastery. Yet, in this moment, who was supposed to comfort her in the passing of her best friend?Trigger Warning: Self Harm
Relationships: My Unit | Byleth & Sothis
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	I Would Have Chosen Eternity In Darkness Over This Silence

  
  


Byleth lay upon her father's bed, arms wrapped around her legs, and tears dried on her face. Newly green hair framed her body, so still that a bystander might perhaps proclaim her dead, after feeling the lack of heartbeat beneath Byleth's skin. She felt as dead as she looked, her eyes void of emotion, not a trait that hadn't been attributed to her before, the lifetime of work as 'The Ashen Demon' hadn't been without its scars too, but this new depression had come from things much closer to her silent heart. 

_ Sothis please. Come back. I don't want to be alone. _ Byleth's thoughts repeated the same few things over and over, unchanged from almost two days prior, when her best friend had sacrificed herself to save the woman from eternity in the void. After the adrenaline had burnt out, her sadness had pushed forward, overwhelming any opposing feelings, thoughts, and priorities. Edelgard was the one who had brought her back here, eyes torn between the new appearance of her professor, and the lack of life said woman was showing. The Black Eagle house had barely left her side for the last few days, her comatose state worrying even the stalwart Hubert, but after 48 hours and no change, they were forced to return to class, the other professors filling in where they could. 

_ Sothis, I can't do this anymore, please _ . No response was given to Byleth's thoughts, a constant over the past few days, but a far cry from the snarky replies that had graced her for many months. The goddess had become a light in her life. For a girl growing up on the road, never staying in one place long enough to make a friend, having someone there all the time, always listening to her thoughts, was what had kept her sane throughout the busy life of the monastery. It was Sothis who had comforted her after her first day teaching, when Byleth had wanted to give up and tell Rhea to give the job to her father instead. It had been Sothis who she turned to after the horrors of battles, when her students first took a life, when Sylvain's brother turned into a monster before their eyes, staring down the Death Knight as the monster and Solon tore apart a village. It was Sothis who held her after the passing of her father, attempting to wipe the tears from Byleth's eyes as she sobbed over his corpse, the rain soaking her to the bone. Yet, in this moment, who was supposed to comfort her in the passing of her only friend. 

A soft breeze carried in through the window, lifting her hair before her eyes once more. Byleth's breath caught in her throat, the change in her appearance finally making its way into her mind. This was because Sothis was gone. If she hadn't rushed in, Solon wouldn't have banished her, and Sothis would still be here. Her hair would still be blue, her eyes still grey, and her best friend still by her side. With the first movement she had displayed in hours, Byleth pushed herself to a sitting position, hands shaking. Her eyes scanned the room slowly, before stopping on her belongings that rested upon the nearby nightstand, and in particular, the dagger that was sheathed alongside the Sword of the Creator. 

With a movement that almost felt like someone else controlling her body, she reached for the dagger, fingers gripping tightly on the leather handle. Pulling it closer, she slid the blade from its sheath, trembling, grabbed a fistful of hair, and brought the dagger up. The steel cut through her hair like water, green locks falling onto the sheets around her. A tear fell from her cheek, splattering across her skin, before she reached for another handful, slashing carelessly at the reminder of what she had lost. As the bed was slowly covered by the hair falling from her hands, one of her reckless slashes removed more than hair, a harsh line of blood welling up across the newly formed cut on her wrist. 

The pain barely registered amidst her sorrow, and as a trickle of red ran down her arm, Byleth's eyes clenched, and she swiped again, another line appearing below the first. She wasn't sure if it was an attempt to join her friend in death, or another thing to remind her of her failure, but the edge struck a third time, and a loud sob tore its way through the air. Byleth lifted her hand for a fourth time, pressing the metal against her throat. A few drops of blood fell from the knife, before it clattered loudly to the ground, her arm now limp at her side. The noise must have finally penetrated through the door, the sound of Manuela stirring making its way to her ears. She couldn't be bothered to care though, her eyes focused on the red stains that coated her father's bed. 

A scream echoed across the floor, the physician's presence making itself known, though Byleth couldn't be bothered to care. Amidst blood, hair, and tears, she closed her eyes once more, pulling her knees to her chest once more.  _ Please,  _ her mind whispered,  _ please.  _ She couldn't be sure what she was begging for, Death or Sothis, but with a final sob, her strength gave out. Byleth fell unconscious, unaware of the commotion that tore through the fortress, the cries that echoed in the teenagers who raced to her side, or the soft voice that whispered in her ear, so faint that it could have been mistaken as the wind.  _ I'm sorry. _

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another of my "I should have been working on other things during NaNoWriMo" one shots, hope y'all enjoyed! Edelgard or Petra is my favorite character, but Sothis/Byleth is my favorite relationship, both ship and just like family ship. This one also didn't have a beta reader, none of my friends who play FE are writers so.... if you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out and I'll fix what I can =)


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